Letting Go
by Jessica237
Summary: [SC. With a bit of a onesided EC undertone] Set quite a while after 'Lost Son.' Investigating a scene in a strangely familiar neighborhood brings back an old memory to Calleigh.


A/N: I think it's fairly common knowledge that I ship Calleigh with pretty much anybody, heh. I've wanted to try writing something from a different shipper perspective for awhile now. E/C remains my favorite, but right now I'm completely lacking in inspiration for them, and since lately I'm loving the S/C pairing more and more, I thought, why not? I just hope I didn't destroy Speed, as far as characterization goes. Also, I'm fairly sure this has been done before, but when has that ever stopped me from adding my take on something? Lol. Anyway; usual disclaimers apply; I own absolutely nothing.

* * *

Staring out the window of the Hummer, Calleigh was suddenly glad that Eric had insisted on driving. If she'd been the one driving, she was certain she would have wrecked by now; considering how badly her attention was straying. Until Eric had turned onto this particular street, she had been fine. 

But now, her mind was clearly elsewhere. As they drove by, Calleigh gazed at each of the houses, as though one of them might have some kind of significance to her. It wasn't a particularly stunning neighborhood; in fact, it was one of Miami's more ordinary neighborhoods. All the houses were strikingly similar, the lawns were all cut perfectly, the occasional car parked in the driveway. In a word, the neighborhood itself was boring. But still, Calleigh couldn't shake the strange feeling that had come over her.

There was something about this neighborhood. She just had no idea what it could possibly be.

A light touch on her arm brought her back to the present. She blinked in confusion, turning her head and finding Eric watching her, a concerned expression on his face.

"I asked if you were okay," he repeated, knowing Calleigh hadn't heard him the first time.

"Oh. Yeah. I'm fine," Calleigh replied simply.

Eric raised an eyebrow. "You sure? You went quiet there all of a sudden. Like you were lost in thought or something."

Calleigh nodded, almost imperceptibly. "Something like that."

"Want to talk about it?"

Calleigh sighed. "Not really."

Eric nodded in understanding. His eyes back to the road; he put his foot back on the gas, figuring they had sat at that stop sign for long enough.

"It's just this neighborhood," Calleigh blurted, after a moment.

"What do you mean?"

Calleigh shrugged, looking ahead rather than over at Eric. "There's something about it."

"Something like…?"

"I don't know." She sighed in frustration. Calleigh hated not being able to figure something out. "I just feel…I don't know, weird about it. Uneasy."

Eric glanced at her, his concern growing. "Uneasy, like sick to your stomach uneasy, or like a sixth sense type of uneasy?"

"I don't know," she repeated, closing her eyes for a moment. "Just…uneasy." She shrugged. "I tried to shake it off, but it's like it just won't let go."

"You want me to drive you back to the lab and bring Ryan back instead?"

Calleigh quickly shook her head. "No. I'm okay. Just…how much farther?"

"Not much. The scene's toward the back of the subdivision."

With a nod, Calleigh closed her eyes again and leaned her head back against the seat. Still, she couldn't get over the feeling that she should _know_ this neighborhood. After a moment, Eric came to another stop sign, and Calleigh opened her eyes, a strange jolt going through her as she looked out the window.

"Eric…what happened to that house?"

Eric followed her gaze, seeing what was left of what had once been a gorgeous house. "It was hit by lightning in that really bad storm we had not too long ago. Burned pretty much to the ground."

"What happened to the owners?"

Eric shook his head. "Nobody really knows. They disappeared ages before the house burned down. Nobody knows where they went. They'd been in trouble with the law for ages before that, though." He took a good look around the area. "I think we've been in that house."

Calleigh raised an eyebrow. "When?"

"About a year and a half ago. Maybe two. There was a murder investigation, and everything kept coming back to them; but in the end, it turned out not to be them." He nodded. "I don't know about you, but I've definitely been here. Those people were crazy."

Calleigh nodded, again only half listening. Lost in thought again, she barely registered that Eric had pulled the Hummer into a driveway. He called her name again, and she shook her head, quickly getting out of the Hummer and making her way to the officers at the scene, ignoring Eric as he called after her. She knew he meant well, but really, he wasn't helping. After all, there wasn't much he could do for her when she didn't even know what was going on herself. After a quick word with the officer, she made her way back to Eric, forcing a small smile. "You wanna start on the inside?"

Eric glanced at the house. "Alone? Calleigh, this house is huge."

"I know, Eric, but I thought maybe you could start processing the kitchen or the living room. I wanted to look around the perimeter; see if I can find anything here. Besides, being out in the fresh air might do me good." She cut Eric off as he was about to protest again. "I'll come and help you when I'm done out here."

Eric nodded. "Okay. Be careful, though." Calleigh looked at him strangely. "You said you had a bad feeling. I'm just concerned, that's all."

Calleigh smiled, just barely masking her growing annoyance. "I'm fine, Eric. Really." She shrugged. "I never said it was a bad feeling; just a weird one."

Eric relented, however reluctantly. He took his kit and went inside the house, leaving Calleigh outside. She put on her gloves and began walking the perimeter, though not really expecting to find anything. She shivered lightly as the breeze picked up a little. Something in the bushes abruptly caught her eye, and she bent down, looking intently.

And that's when she heard it.

There was no way on earth Calleigh could ever profess to be an expert on motorcycles. She generally preferred to stay as far away from the things as was possible. But even with her slight experience and nonexistent knowledge of them, she could tell just by the sound growing closer and closer, that this was no ordinary motorcycle.

It was the same kind he'd had.

-----

_"You busy?"_

_Calleigh glanced up at him with a cheerful smile. "Not especially," she replied, closing the report she'd been working on. "Why?"_

_Speed stepped the rest of the way into the room, letting the door close behind him. "Horatio thinks we've got a suspect."_

_"In the Morgan case?"_

_"That's the one. He wants us to head over there and ask a few questions; see if we can find out anything definitive before we take it any further."_

_Calleigh nodded. "Okay. Give me five minutes and I'll meet you outside."_

_"Okay." He snickered suddenly, an odd glint in his eye. "Let's take the Ducati," he added, heading toward the door._

_Calleigh froze, glad that his back was to her so he couldn't see her expression. "Wait…your bike?"_

_Speed paused, looking back at her. "No, my horse-drawn carriage. Of course my bike, Cal. That a problem?" he asked, quirking an eyebrow._

_Calleigh shook her head quickly. "I just - I really - is that a good idea?" she stammered._

_Speed couldn't help but grin at seeing usually cool and collected Calleigh flustered. "Would you rather take the Hummer?"_

_Calleigh relaxed visibly. "Yes."_

_"Fine."_ _He smirked. "If you can think of three good reasons why we shouldn't take my bike, then we'll take the Hummer. I'll be waiting outside," he finished, leaving before Calleigh had a chance to protest. _

_After stalling for as long as possible, she joined him outside of the crime lab. He glanced at her over the top of his sunglasses, noting her slightly worried expression. He grinned. "Well?" he said expectantly._

_Calleigh smiled sweetly. "It might rain. I'd rather have a roof over my head if the sky decides to open up on us."_

_Speed looked up to the clear blue sky. "That's funny. Usually rain comes from these fluffy things called clouds." He glanced back to Calleigh. "Plus, I heard the news earlier. No rain in the forecast until the weekend. Strike one."_

_Calleigh's smile faded. "Okay," she said calmly, though inside she was on the verge of panicking. "I have long hair. I really don't want it blowing in the wind and getting all tangled and everything. And I'm sure you don't want to wait on me for the twenty minutes it'll take to untangle it."  
_

_"Tie it back," Speed replied simply. "Strike two."_

_"Do you really think it's professional?" she asked, her voice higher than usual. "Your bike isn't a department vehicle. And there's no way for us to take our kits with us."_

_Speed grinned triumphantly. "I've gone to a thousand scenes on the Ducati. And we're just asking a few questions; we don't need the kits. Strike three," he smirked. "You're out, and we're taking the bike." He handed her his extra helmet, then began heading toward the motorcycle, leaving Calleigh no choice but to follow._

_"Why can't you ride the bike, and I'll drive the Hummer?" Calleigh called after him._

_"With gas prices the way they are? How is that even economical?" He got on the bike and put his own helmet on, before looking expectantly at Calleigh. _

_"How is that even safe?" Calleigh retorted, pointing at the bike._

_Speed rolled his eyes. "I'm wearing a helmet. You're wearing a helmet. I've been riding for years; I know what I'm doing. It's plenty safe."_

_Calleigh exhaled shakily. She'd hoped to get out of this without admitting what the real problem was. Unfortunately, it didn't look like that was going to happen. "Okay. I -" she looked down, avoiding Speed's eyes. "I'm - I'm scared. Okay? I admit it. I'm scared." She finally looked back up to his face, feeling a surge of annoyance when she saw his smirk. "It's not funny, Tim."_

_Speed held up his hands, though his face was still amused. "I never said it was. I've just never seen the fearless Calleigh Duquesne afraid of anything before." He snickered as she crossed her arms, sticking her tongue out at him. "Yeah, that's real mature, Cal." He patted the seat behind him. "Just come on. You'll be fine. I promise."_

_Calleigh glared at him skeptically. "And if I'm not?"_

_Speed pursed his lips. "I don't know. You can, uh, hit me or something." _

_"I might hit you anyway." Realizing that Speed wasn't going to relent, she took a deep breath and put on the helmet, narrowing her eyes upon seeing Speed's triumphant grin. "I can't believe I'm doing this," she muttered, climbing onto the bike behind Speed. She placed her hands just lightly on his waist, producing another low snicker from Speed. "What?"_

_He shook his head amusedly. "You might want to hold on a little tighter," he suggested. "You know, so you don't fall off." He smirked as she tensed at his words. Taking her hands, he looped her arms around his waist. Calleigh gasped softly, unsure if the sudden pounding of her heart was from being so close to him, or from how honestly afraid she was. _

_Speed squeezed her hands gently before letting go. "Ready?" _

_Taking a few steadying breaths, Calleigh nodded tightly, closing her eyes. "Yeah. I'm ready," she said, trying to convince herself of that. "Let's go."_

_He started the Ducati, smirking as Calleigh immediately tightened her grasp on him. "We're not moving yet, Calleigh," he yelled over the motor in amusement. Calleigh mumbled something that he didn't quite catch. He gave her another second, then pulled the bike out of the parking lot and onto the road, chuckling to himself as Calleigh cried out, gripping him even tighter._

_After a few blocks, she loosened her grasp slightly, finally feeling safe to open her eyes. It wasn't long after that when, surprisingly, Calleigh found herself actually enjoying the ride.  
_

_"You okay back there?" Speed called out, coming to rest at a red light._

_Calleigh actually smiled, though Speed couldn't see it. "I'm good!" she called back._

_"Wanna go a bit faster?"_

_Her eyes widened. "This thing goes faster?"_

_"Oh, it goes way faster," he replied just as the light turned green. He sped away, leaving behind the cars at the intersection. After about another mile, he turned off into a fairly ordinary neighborhood, before long pulling the bike into the driveway of a gorgeous house. As he brought the bike to a stop, cutting the engine, he had to smirk upon hearing Calleigh's slight giggle. "See, I knew you'd like it."_

_Calleigh rolled her eyes playfully. "Okay Speedle, so maybe you were right. But just this once," she teased, getting off the bike and removing her helmet._

_He smirked, getting off after her. "I'm always right," he said smugly, taking a step toward her. "You'd think you'd have realized that by now." He reached up and removed his own helmet. "Come on," he said, moving toward the front door of the house, "let's get this finished." He snickered. "I wonder if we're even still on the clock anymore after all that time you wasted whining back at the lab."_

_Calleigh glared at him. "Shut up," she demanded, though playfully. _

_Speed rang the doorbell, glancing down at Calleigh as they waited. He couldn't help but notice her fidgeting. She kept shifting from foot to foot, as though she couldn't stand still. He didn't have long to linger on it, as the owner of the house opened the door. He cleared his throat, flashing his badge. "Tim Speedle, Calleigh Duquesne. We're with the crime lab. We need to ask you a few questions."_

_The lady invited them in and they sat down, though Calleigh had seemed reluctant to do so. Throughout much of the interrogation, Speed found his eyes drawn to Calleigh. Even sitting down, she seemed restless; constantly fidgeting with her hands or shifting positions. She seemed only too glad when they were finished._

_"Well, that was a waste of time," Speed muttered as they walked back outside._

_"Not necessarily," Calleigh chirped, practically skipping her way back to the bike. "We know her alibi doesn't check out; so since she lied to us about that, she's probably lying about everything else," she added cheerfully._

_Speed stared. "And that's a good thing?"_

_Calleigh smiled brightly. "It makes her look guilty; so then if she is guilty, then yeah. It's a good thing." She caught the slightly suspicious look Speed was giving her. "What?"_

_He shook his head. "You're giddy." He paused, thinking for a moment. "I mean, more so than usual."_

_Calleigh crossed her arms. "I am not," she defended, glaring as Speed raised an eyebrow. "I'm just glad we're finally getting somewhere with this case."_

_"Except for the part where we really aren't, right?"_

_"Oh come on, Tim, it's a better lead than any of the others we've found." She grinned suddenly. "We should get back to the lab and follow up on it," she said, barely masking her excitement._

_Speed snickered. "I think you just want to ride my bike again."_

_"Maybe."_

_Speed looked at her smugly. "And less than two hours ago, you were ready to jump off a cliff just to avoid riding with me."_

_"Oh, I'm fine with the motorcycle now. But riding with you still scares the hell out of me," Calleigh replied cheekily, giving a fake shudder._

_"Yeah._ _Funny."_

_"I try," she winked. She stepped closer to Speed, smiling sweetly. "Hey, Tim? I was just wondering…"_

_Speed raised an eyebrow. "What?"_

_"Can I drive?"_

_Speed's eyes widened. "What? No way!"_

_"Aw, why not?" she whined._

_Speed looked at her as though she were insane. "Would you like a list?" He paused for a moment, wondering if she actually was serious. "Just a little while ago, you were scared to death of this thing," he said, ignoring Calleigh's denial of that. "You really think I'm gonna let you drive after that? Besides, you don't even have a license. It's against the law." He smirked. "I'd have to arrest you."_

_"You'd like that, wouldn't you?"  
_

_"Oh yeah, Cal._ _I've been dying to cuff you ever since the day I met you." He snickered as he handed her the other helmet, catching the look on her face. He looked at his watch before getting back on the bike. "Come on, we really do need to get back."_

_Calleigh put on the helmet, then got back on the motorcycle behind him, wrapping her arms around his waist as she'd done before. After making sure she was ready, Speed started the bike, quickly maneuvering them through the city traffic and bringing them back to the lab, this time much more quickly than either of them wanted. He parked the bike, cutting off the engine._

_With a sigh, Calleigh climbed off the bike, removing her helmet. "Back to work again, I guess," she said. She smiled brightly at Speed before she turned to walk away. "You can get back to trace; I'll go find Horatio and tell him what we found out."_

_"Cal, wait," he called after her. He took his helmet off and followed her. Catching up with her, he instinctively reached out, smoothing her hair down with his hands. "Helmet hair," he clarified at her puzzled look. "Not even you can pull that look off," he teased._

_Calleigh didn't reply; she was still caught up in the sensation that had overtaken her at his touch. His standing so close to her had been one thing, but now with his fingers in her hair, Calleigh found herself struggling to control her racing heart. It also didn't help that he smelled really good. It was confusing; Speed usually didn't evoke these kinds of feelings in her. It was suddenly too much, and before she even realized it, Calleigh placed her hand on his cheek and moved even closer to him, kissing him soundly on the lips. _

_Surprised though he was, that didn't stop Speed from kissing her back. He felt her hand slip to the back of his neck as his found their way to her hips, gently pulling her closer. He'd never really thought much about Calleigh as more than a co-worker, more than a friend. But now, with her in front of him, her lips against his own, he suddenly wanted more. He deepened the kiss, feeling as Calleigh willingly opened her mouth to him with a soft moan. _

_Very abruptly, Calleigh let go of him, pushing him away from her. She stared at him, her eyes widening. "I am so sorry," she whispered breathlessly, her cheeks visibly reddening._

_Speed stared at her, not quite sure what she was thinking. "Calleigh?" he tried cautiously._

_"Oh my God," she murmured, staring at the ground. She chuckled nervously. "I can't believe I just did that." She looked up, her eyes meeting his for a brief second before flitting away again. "I'm sorry," she said again, pushing her hair behind her ears. "I don't know - I don't usually - that wasn't - I - I just -" she shook her head, having a difficult time stringing coherent thoughts together. She tried again, but with just as much success as before. "I don't know why - it's just - you were so close to me, and the adrenaline rush from the bike, and you just smell really, really good, and I don't know -"_

_Caught up in her rambling, she was completely taken by surprise when Speed interrupted her by gently cupping her face and kissing her, uncharacteristically soft, on the lips. He pulled back, letting his hand drop back to his side. "You were rambling," he explained quietly upon seeing the look of confusion on her face. He shrugged. "Couldn't think of any other way to shut you up," he added with a smirk._

_Calleigh gave a small smile, looking at the ground. "Sorry," she apologized sheepishly. The last thing she wanted was for this to turn awkward, but the part of her mind that wasn't still having trouble coming up with simple thoughts was too busy trying to figure out why Speed was suddenly having this much of an effect on her. She giggled softly, the full weight of what she had just done finally hitting her. "I can't believe I did that." She looked back up, finally meeting his eyes without looking right back away. "I, uh, should probably get back to work, I guess."_

_Speed nodded. "Yeah. I've still got some trace to finish up if I'm gonna get out of here on time tonight," he replied. _

_"Right."_ _She glanced around, fidgeting with her hands. "Yeah, um, I'm gonna go," she said, gesturing back toward the lab. She saw his nod, and with a tight smile, she turned and began to walk away._

_He watched her take a few steps before he called out to her. "Hey, Calleigh! Wait a sec."_

_She turned back to him, looking at him expectantly. _

_Speed glanced from her to his bike, then back to her again. "Come find me the next time you get bored or something. If you want, I'll take you out riding again."_

_She nodded, smiling brightly. "I'd like that."_

_-----  
_

"There's nothing really interesting about the kitchen; just a few normal kitchen knives and the like," Eric called out, stepping through the doorway. "What about you; did you --" He froze, seeing Calleigh kneeling close to the ground, wiping furiously at her eyes. His heart pounding in his chest, he made his way over to her. "Calleigh?" he asked tentatively, dropping to the ground beside her.

"I found something in the bushes that may be of some significance," she replied, hating herself for the slight tremor in her voice. She took a deep breath, willing herself to stay professional. "We should get that to Valera; see if there's any DNA on it."

Calleigh had to know she wasn't fooling him, so why did she even try? Eric stared, feeling not only immense concern flow through him, but also fear. He had never seen Calleigh cry before, let alone in the middle of an ordinary crime scene. He couldn't even recall her crying when Speed had died, at least, not whenever he was around. He saw her try to turn her head; to hide from him, and he reached out, gently cupping her face with one hand, resting the other lightly on her arm. "Calleigh, what happened?" he asked softly.

She opened her mouth, but thought otherwise and shook her head, saying nothing. Again she tried to pull away from him and stand up, but Eric wouldn't let her. "What happened?" he repeated, a little more forcefully.

Calleigh shook her head, fighting him. "Nothing," she muttered, trying to push him away.

He backed away a little, but he couldn't stop himself from taking her hands in his. "Calleigh, you and I both know that whatever this is isn't nothing," he said softly, searching for her eyes.

"You're right...it's not nothing," she agreed, "but it's - I don't - this isn't -" she shook her head again vigorously, pulling her hands away from Eric and rising to her feet, quickly putting a fair amount of distance between them.

"Calleigh…"

"Let it go, Eric."

He gaped at her. "Calleigh, you know I can't just let it go," he said, standing. "I care about you." He walked around her, placing his hands on her shoulders so she couldn't turn away. "You're scaring me," he added quietly. "I've never seen you like this before."

Calleigh let out a shaky breath, only briefly meeting Eric's eyes. She found herself wishing for Speed to be there with her, rather than Eric. Had that been the case, Calleigh knew Speed wouldn't have pushed so hard. He would have cared just as much as Eric, but he would have given her space, not try to hold her every five seconds. She knew, because he had kept to himself just about as much as she did. They were both the same.

Seeing her struggling to keep it together broke Eric's heart, and once again he tried to pull her into his arms, this time with success. Knowing he wasn't going to go away, Calleigh gave in, letting him hold her, if only briefly. Eric whispered gently to her, stroking her back. He wished more than anything that she would talk to him, even just to give him any idea of what she was so upset about, but somehow he already knew there was no need to even hope for that.

Taking a deep breath, Calleigh pulled herself out of his arms, crossing her own defensively and avoiding his eyes. "How much of the inside of the house have you processed?" she asked, her voice slightly higher than usual.

"Calleigh--"

"How much, Eric?" she repeated, more forcefully.

Eric sighed. "I'd just finished the kitchen. I was getting ready to start on the living room when I came out here to see where you were."

Calleigh nodded. "So you still have quite a bit to go? You'll be in there awhile?"

"Yeah. Calleigh, what are you--"

"I'm going to go back to the lab," she announced. "I thought I'd send Ryan out here to take my place."

"I'll come with you," Eric suggested quickly. "We've got plenty of other people, so they can take over this scene. And you and I can go grab a coffee or something and talk."

Calleigh sighed in frustration. "Eric, I mean it. Forget this. Just let it go, please."

"I just want--"

"I just want you to leave me alone!" Calleigh snapped. She didn't miss the hurt look that flickered through Eric's eyes, but she couldn't bring herself to apologize. After all, she was hurting too. She did, however, soften her voice. "I'm okay, really. I just need time to sort things out, I guess." She forced what she hoped was a reassuring smile.

Eric looked down at the ground, feeling broken himself. He really had no idea what 'things' Calleigh needed time to sort out. He just wanted her to let him in a little. He looked back up to see her walking away from him, toward the Hummer. He called after her, waiting until she paused before he spoke. "You know you can talk to me about anything, right?"

Calleigh bit her lip, staring at the ground. She kept her back to Eric, not wanting to face him again. Slowly she shook her head before she started walking again. "Not about this, Eric," she replied softly. "Not about this."

With that, Calleigh climbed into the Hummer and prepared to head back to the lab. Catching a glimpse of Eric in her mirror, she felt a slight tug of guilt. She could tell from his expression that he was hurt.

But she shrugged it off, knowing that Eric's pain would only be fleeting. As for herself, Calleigh knew, as she started the Hummer and began to drive away, that she'd never truly be able to heal. Whenever she felt like she was finally moving on, something would happen, like today, and she'd be right back in the same place she'd been just hours after his funeral.

She could run from it and pretend it was all nothing; pretend everything was perfectly fine. That approach seemed to work with everything else.

Except this. Because without her fully realizing it at the time, she'd let Tim Speedle in, and he'd grown to mean far too much to her for her to ever just let him go.


End file.
